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My therapist explained it as a shame response. Iwas ashamed to want to be a woman. The shame was so great that I did lotsof manly things to cover things up. I went out for all the athletic teamsin high school and at college I took on a sloppy look with long hair andpierced ears. But I did like girls. I got laid as often as the next guy.After graduation from college I got a good paying job and had enough moneyto afford to cross dress. Although I rarely went out I spent many weekendsas Monica. Sometimes I put on a nice outfit and went for a long drive. Butthis wasn't enough. I saw a therapist who worked with me to help me findmyself. After about six months I came to the conclusion that I needed tobecome a woman. She agreed since I didn't have any other issues. She saidthat sometimes people think that changing gender will solve all theirproblems but that changing gender only solves one problem, feeling that youare the wrong sex.After dinner Gloria drove me home. I asked her in for a. Hoping like hell they hadn't changed the combination,I found the panel, flipped it back and entered the four-digit code. Thepaneling slid back smoothly.It was too late to go back now. If any secret alarms were going off,they had already happened. I stepped inside and pressed the downbutton. When I arrived in the basement, the door opened.It was just as I'd remembered: the blue concrete walls, the table,chairs, and the room beyond, behind the steel door. I heaved the heavydoor back and passed through. The tree was still there in its fertilepatch of ground, its bright green branches resembling fibrous stalks.Full spectrum lights overhead illuminated it with a moderate glow. Thefecund stench of fertilizer hung in the humid air and a few pods lay onthe ground, including the same one I'd spent a season in. Hanging fromthe branches above, spread amidst enormous leaves, were dangling husks,the seeds. I was dragging a ladder towards one of the lower brancheswhen I heard the sound of the.
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